Monday, November 01, 2004

Politics of a Light Bulb

Q: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb? (10)

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either "for" changing the light bulb or "for" darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: "Lightbulb Change Accomplished".
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And, in the name of equal time...

How many members of the John Kerry team does it take to change a lightbulb? (14)

1. One to write about how John Kerry bravely changed light bulbs in the face of the enemy in Vietnam.
2. One to write good copy for journalists about how important light bulb changing is for the future of the country.
3. One to say that the Bush Administration has screwed every lightbulb that ever came along.
4. One to go out a look for a light bulb as ordered by John Kerry.
5. One to go out and cancel the guy looking for a light bulb because John Kerry realizes that what is really needed is a study on light bulbs and the environment.
6. One to go out and poll black voters on how the light bulb being out affects their lives.
7. One to go out and cancel the black vote poll because John Kerry realizes that Hispanics are more likely to be put out by the lack of a working light bulb.
8. One to begin the study of the light bulb and the environment.
9. One to go out and cancel the environmental assessment study because it might conflict with the version of Vietnam history purported by #1.
10. One to tell the media how garbage from Canada is the reason why the lightbulb burnt out. 11. One to run out and cancel the press conference by #10 and hold another press conference outlining the problems with light bulb replacement in the wake of the war in Iraq.
12. One to organize a Global Test for the accomplishment of the light bulb screwing, according to other nations.
13. One to write a speech for John Kerry attempting to clear up his voting records in the Senate for and against light bulbs.
14. One to tell John Kerry which way he should jump on this whole sordid light bulb issue.

Isn't politics grand?

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home